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September 14, 2004. The number one reason people don't have dogs is that they stink too much. It's like people who smoke, or people who eat foreign food.January 1, 2005. The Caringeys' roof caved in yesterday and they are moving in with us until they can bring in the builders. It was really cute and cozy for about ten minutes, then their baby starting shitting all over the place. But you can't complain because then you are a person who DOESN’T LIKE CHILDREN. Breeder Bullies, you meet them all over. January 1, 2006. It has been a year since the Caringeys moved away with their mutant baby. December 18, 2009. Idea for a screenplay: Family is sailing in their boat but they get shipwrecked. Wisely they manage to salvage everything necessary to sustain life, such as the rum and the toolbox. Inside the top of the toolbox they find a treasure map that someone has taped in there (some backstory, but ignore it for now). It is on an island only a day's journey away, coincidentally. So the family journey over on their sailing dinghy (salvaged from the ship) and find the treasure and bring it back. They also bring back a wild savage who we learn has run away from his tribe because they are going to sacrifice and eat him. The family uses the savage as their servant. The savage learns to speak their language, up to a point. When they find the savage is from a cannibal tribe they are frightened and decide to keep an eye on him. Then one night one of the family (the youngest, cutest one: think Kevin Corcoran) sees the savage sending fire signals to a pirate ship far off at sea. The pirates arrive and lay siege to the family. They capture the savage, who leads them to the secret passage through the cliffs to the high house where the family lives. The family tries to buy off the pirates with the treasure, but alas, the pirates already have the treasure, because the savage led them to it and it was their treasure to begin with. This is the low point to the story. Then the cute son sees the skull and crossbones on a bottle of poison and it gives him an idea. If we feed some slow-acting poison to one of our pigs, and release it, the pirates will kill it and eat it and die. So that is what happens, and the pirates all die, but the savage does not because his tribe does not eat pork. He does however eat pirates, so he dies a lingering death. He lies on the beach asking for forgiveness from the family before he dies. He is blind because the pirates put his eyes out. The family all cry over the tragedy of it all. The savage asks the head of the family to come close and hear his last words, but as the nice man bends down the savage stabs him with a pirate dagger. One of the sons shoots the savage with a flintlock pistol. Fortunately the father's wound, though deep, is not fatal. And then there is a happy ending as the family gather up all their valuables and sail away in the pirate ship.